Saturday, April 10, 2010


I sleep. I sleep to escape from your clutches. From your memories. I sleep to escape from thoughts about you. But even when I sleep, I know that I have to awake soon. Soon enough, the twilight zone between sleep and waking arrives. And I think of you.
What first touches me is the pure, unadulterated joy. Then come the tears. And then, finally, the pain. The raw, pitiless pain. The pain that only a person who has lost a loved one could feel. I think of you even more. I think of the times that we spent in each others arms. Oh, it feels so real. I can feel you, here with me. In my arms. I rest my head on your chest, take in your scent. You hold me tight, so tight that it feels like no one can ever separate us from each other. We don't talk. We just sit under the stars and make plans for the future. Our future. You promise me that we'll take all the steps together. You promise me that no matter how hard things get, we will always make it through, knowing that we will always have each other. When I heard these words for the first time, i felt a warmth that had nothing to do with the balmy night. When I think of these words now, all I feel is despair. Despair, at the loss of the one I loved. Despair at the loss of a future that I so desperately yearn for. I despair, knowing that you'll never let me be in your arms again.
The memories don't stop. I think of you some more, even more. I think of the time when we kissed in the rain. I think of the time when you swept me off my feet and swore to be my knight on his white steed. I think of the time when we cuddled up in my couch to watch a movie. I think of the times when I was with you, when I was happy.
Everybody says, there will come a time when the sun will shine in the sky again. When I won't cry every time I think of you. When I won't need you the way I do right now. But that time just seems so far away.
Oh, how I wish I could undo everything that has happened! How I wish that you would give us another chance. But I know I can't, i know that you won't. I want to shout it off the rooftops that I would do anything to get you back. But I can't. And I won't. I'll just let you go, not because it is the right thing to do, or not because that's what I want to do. I'll let you go, because that is what you want. But at least, from this moment on, I know what every wishing star, every fountain and every wish is going to be about.

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