I am obsessed with everything morbid. That's not a well known fact. As a result of an over cheery disposition, people tend to think of me as one of those people who would blindly trust her knight in shining armour, and believe in fairy tales and happy endings. Which I do. But not all the times. There are times when I think they are totally hopeless. Like today.
Obviously, something happened today. I can't call it the cause of my depression (Okay, sadness). The forlorn and melancholic part of my soul isn't exactly hidden deep underneath. It is actually very close to the surface- always looking for a reason to come out. The funny part- I actually like it at times. Like being sad and forlorn, I mean. Being endowed with an enormous amount of optimism, I usually do not get sad. Its just when something actually triggers the usually dormant emotions and everything is like bang boom! And there you go- I am depressed. And as always, I blame it on PMS. Safer to do that, or else people will start thinking that I am mentally unstable or something. There is nothing wrong with being depressed at times. It can even be considered healthy. As a wise man once said, You can never know happiness unless you've known grief. Not that I know grief. I certainly don't. I have everything one can ask for- family, friends who love me, blue skies, bright stars. I just like thinking that my soul knows something that I do not, and has its own escapade through one of my wild mood swings. Maybe mood swings are actually caused due to that- as Freud would put it, your unconscious trying to break through the barriers placed by your conscious, to express itself. Maybe.
I don't know the reason, or the cause. I just know that I am depressed. And I know that I am going to change into my most comfortable pyjamas, play And So It Goes on my iPod and read Omar Khayyam. And hope that it'll cure me. I am not going to try and explain my mood. Sadly, words aren't enough at times.
'My silence is my self defence.'
8 years ago