Teardrops

I sleep. I sleep to escape from your clutches. From your memories. I sleep to escape from thoughts about you. But even when I sleep, I know that I have to awake soon. Soon enough, the twilight zone between sleep and waking arrives. And I think of you.

What first touches me is the pure, unadulterated joy. Then come the tears. And then, finally, the pain. The raw, pitiless pain. The pain that only a person who has lost a loved one could feel. I think of you even more. I think of the times that we spent in each others arms. Oh, it feels so real. I can feel you, here with me. In my arms. I rest my head on your chest, take in your scent. You hold me tight, so tight that it feels like no one can ever separate us from each other. We don't talk. We just sit under the stars and make plans for the future. Our future. You promise me that we'll take all the steps together. You promise me that no matter how hard things get, we will always make it through, knowing that we will always have each other. When I heard these words for the first time, i felt a warmth that had nothing to do with the balmy night. When I think of these words now, all I feel is despair. Despair, at the loss of the one I loved. Despair at the loss of a future that I so desperately yearn for. I despair, knowing that you'll never let me be in your arms again.

The memories don't stop. I think of you some more, even more. I think of the time when we kissed in the rain. I think of the time when you swept me off my feet and swore to be my knight on his white steed. I think of the time when we cuddled up in my couch to watch a movie. I think of the times when I was with you, when I was happy.

Everybody says, there will come a time when the sun will shine in the sky again. When I won't cry every time I think of you. When I won't need you the way I do right now. But that time just seems so far away.

Oh, how I wish I could undo everything that has happened! How I wish that you would give us another chance. But I know I can't, i know that you won't. I want to shout it off the rooftops that I would do anything to get you back. But I can't. And I won't. I'll just let you go, not because it is the right thing to do, or not because that's what I want to do. I'll let you go, because that is what you want. But at least, from this moment on, I know what every wishing star, every fountain and every wish is going to be about.

The Faerie Princess

Once upon a time in a land far far away, lived a Faerie Princess. She draped the beams of sunshine around her as a robe and walked on a road made from moonlight. She carried in her heart love that knew no bounds and happiness that made everyone around her feel happy. She was the most beautiful faerie in the land, both inside and out. She was the favourite of not only the other magical creatures of the land, but also her fellow faeries. Even when everything was lost and the world seemed dark, her smile would give everyone hope and her words would make them feel like there was hope in the world. She was their pride, their joy, their friend, their fellow-in-arms, their guide, their hope and their love.
But one day, she broke a feather. She was fluttering high up in the heavens, sprinkling joy over the world like glitter when a storm hit. She fought as hard as she could, but finally succumbed to the pressure of the strong blowing wind. Her feather broke and the tears came streaming down her face. She weeped as she fell through the clouds and the clouds weeped with her, for her. She weeped for what had been and what could have. She weeped for what would be. The tears just kept flowing...
But suddenly, she wasn't falling anymore. She opened her eyes and realized that she was being borne by the other faeries. They smiled at her, reassuringly, though they knew that it was barely a fraction of the reassurance her presence always guaranteed them. They slowly descended through the clouds and brought her back to the earth. The Princess opened her eyes. All the creatures that she had ever touched in her life, all the creatures who loved her and cherished her were awaiting her return. And when they saw that their Beloved Faerie Princess was safe, a smile lit up each of their faces.
And it was then she realized that those smiles were proof that she had a reason to live. She was their sunshine. Their Faerie Princess.

Fire and the Wind

I square my shoulders and take a deep breath. I knew this was going to happen someday. I was expecting this, I believed that I was actually ready for this. Then why am I unable to stop the tears? Why does this feel like a blow? Why does it hurt so much?
I leave my room. My sanctuary- a sanctuary that is mocking me now. The walls seemed to be provoking me, laughing at me and my naivete. I go out to the balcony. The chill wind slapped my face cruelly. But that was fine, absolutely. That way, I could just pretend that the tears staining my cheek were due to the cold, cold wind. But why do I cry? Wasn't I prepared for the hurt? Or did I think, even for a moment that things could have turned out any different? If I did, then I was a fool. And I deserve the hurt. The cold wind ceases to blow, and I am left with nothing but my lonely self for company. And the lonesome dog howling into the night.
I wake up in the morning and put on my mask. I talk to people, laugh at their jokes. They think I'm happy and that the sun is shining bright. Someone comes up to me and tells me a joke. I throw my head back and laugh. No one notices the lone tear that slides down my cheek.

Raindrops

A drop of rain. That's all it took.
Okay. A few drops.
Fine! A downpour!
But in the end, its the rain. That's all it took.
A week full of tension, work and some more work. A week full of disappointments, insecurities and mockery. Questions were left unanswered and so were emotions. Smiles played on lips even though the heart was far from the world. Passing faces in the crowd- some known, some unknown. All in shades of gray. Bleak and uninviting. The bright sun shone in the sky. Warm and cozy. To me, it felt like cold, uninviting fingers gripping my soul and draining the life out of it. The day was clear. I hated it. The skies were blue, the sun shone bright. I wished it would just go away.
And then it did.
First a few drops of rain. Then the heavens opened up and poured out their heart and their love. I turned my face towards the sky. The raindrops cleansed me.
Rain. That's all it took.

Loss of Innocence

It all started when I was watching Anne Frank Movie on Discovery. A passing comment that The Diary of Anne Frank was probably the most boring book ever actually got me thinking. I have always loved the book, though i never paused to think why it was so. The comment i received was that the book was mundane and boring. What was so special about a 13 year old Jewish girl writing from a rundown building? At least if she had written it from the camp, then it would have been a different issue. I knew that it wasn't so, that the diary was unique and beautiful. But the question was why was it so? There was only one way to find the answer- read the book.
So I read it- for the umpteenth time. I found what I was searching for- the answer was always there.
The Diary of A Young Girl isn't an account of the terror that was Nazi Germany. It is just a diary of a 13 year old girl named Anne Frank. Her mom called her Annelise Marie Frank when she got angry with her daughter. She had dreams of making it in Hollywood one day. She cared about her friends, her cat, schoolwork, her grades. She thought of boys, got excited when she got her first kiss. She always looked for the good in others. She had her own hopes, dreams and insecurities- she was human. And this is exactly what is needed to be portrayed. This shows exactly why the Nazis were the most cruel and inhuman tyrants. Not just because of the fact that they killed and destroyed lives- but what the lives represented. It was not the mere destruction of over 17 million people, but the destruction of millions of cherished dreams, ambitions, insecurities and fears. It was the destruction of the will to live. Like a cold wind that blows out the candle shining bright, the fire that each and every person held in their hearts and souls was blown out, till nothing remained but the ashes.
This is what Anne Frank represents. The millions of innocent children who lost their homes, hearths, loved ones and their own selves. The hope that they carried in their heart, even during those dark dark times that one day this will all be over and they'll go back home. The belief that even amidst all the cruelty and madness, beauty did exist in the world. The belief that someday, lilacs and freesias would still bloom in their backyard.
In Anne's own words- Go outside to the fields, enjoy nature and the sunshine, go out and try to recapture your happiness.Think of all the beauty that's still left in and around you and be happy!

Friends Forever

I love the beginning 'Once upon a time'. And I hate 'Lived happily ever after' just as much. No offense meant to any of the brilliant fairy tales. In fact, those fairy tales are my sole inspirations during bleak times. But happily-ever-afters are really misleading.Pain and sorrow are an essential part of human life without which happiness and pleasure will have no meaning at all. And being a morbid freak, I think I accept pain (or would accept pain) just as readily as pleasure. Happily ever after isn't a conclusion or a destination, it is the journey. Happily ever after is not living happily with the ones you love forever, instead it is the faith or the knowledge that you won't be alone in your sorrow. And that's exactly what every human being yearns for. Everyone- including Boo Radley and Juliet Capulet.
The previous blog post was dedicated to M. M, I'm really sorry if I have hurt you with my tactless comments. But please acknowledge the fact that we are two different individuals. We might have many things in common but we do have certain important differences. And its perfectly alright if we do argue, because at the end of each argument, we would have found something new about each other that we didn't know before. When I argue with you, I am just providing a different take or view on a subject, I am not saying that you are wrong. I know I am not perfect and that I make mistakes. Also, I know that I make mistakes; so I would rather you tell me instead of agreeing with me when I'm making a stupid comment just in order to avoid an argument. But I still really do think you should read Austen.
As we go on, we'll remember
All the times we've had together
And as our lives change, come whatever
We would still be, friends forever

Two Beings

Once upon a time, there were two girls. Both of them came from two different universes. They weren't similar. They were two different characters with some different dreams, hopes and ideals. But they shared a bond-a bond that was deep and true. Their similarities bound them close. Both of them loved cartoons and animes, UFO Baby, Orlando Bloom, Edward Cullen and an uncanny liking of making oinking noises over the telephone. They shared common passions, fetishes, goals, insecurities and fears. They didn't know what the future would bring, but they knew that no matter what happens, they will be there for each other. They were friends, and they loved each other, in the loosest sense of the term. Not just friends, they were companions, sisters.
Things go wrong. No matter how tricky you are, no matter how cunning it's impossible to elude the wretched, wretched thing that is conflict. One small word here, one snide remark there and suddenly before they knew they hadn't spoken with each other for weeks. They picked up their phones, and finished dialing the other's number before cutting the call. Unsent messages, mails that were written and deleted. They missed each other, but neither of them had the courage to admit it.
Then one day, one girl picks up the phone, swallows her pride and admitted to her friend that she missed her and what she could do to make it alright. And that was all that took. Three simple words that made even the most hurtful comments and wounds insignificant. For no matter what, they knew that they were friends, in the truest sense of the word. And more importantly, they knew forgiveness. The truth is, they loved each other.