Thursday, April 9, 2009

Things go wrong.

I don't know why I am writing this. Frankly, I have no idea. What am I going to write? How am I even supposed to express myself? And why am I writing here, instead of my trusty journal which is not actually that trusty? The truth is, I don't know. I don't know how telephones actually work, or how birds fly. I don't know how and when things turned wrong. It was supposed to be perfect. I was with the ones I loved the most, my holiday plans were in full swing and nothing was left to be desired. But that's what I thought. Rule 1 of life- things go wrong. If you don't notice, they go really wrong.
I didn't notice. Maybe I couldn't. Actually, I still can't. I can still feel the laughter and comfort. Everything was right or at least, I believed it to be. But I was wrong. Worse- I didn't realize it. Maybe I had one laugh too many. Maybe I proved my loyalty to Austen in a wrong way. Where did I go wrong? More importantly, how do I mend it?
There were no signs- no lightning, or thunder or heavy rain. There was only silence. A silence so deep and impenetrable that it seemed to breathe for itself.A silent and sneaky monster, it reared its head, and in one breath destroyed something so valuable, cherished and loved. One card topples from a castle of cards and the entire structure comes tumbling down. All you can do is pick up the cards and build a new castle again. But what if you don't want to? What if the castle isn't what it used to be? What if the castle, that used to be a source of joy and escape has now turned into a frosty and biting ground? What if it hurts?
A person once told me that if you are meant to have something, then you will get it. But it is better to let go of a thing that hurts you. Maybe that's what I ought to do now. Because I know I don't deserve that hurt. And I very well know that I deserve a proper goodbye.

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