Waiting

There is love. And then there is all consuming, irrevocable, irreplaceable love.
In love, you need the other person to be there for you. And when they are not there, you miss them.
In irrevocable love, you don't need the person. You don't even miss them, because you know that they are a part of you. A part of your being, your existence.
So, how can you miss someone who is a part of your own self? Someone who is in every breath you take, every song you sing? Someone who is present in every word you write, every raindrop that touches your skin?
You can't. And you don't. Because when you really really love a person, distance is not a matter. When your souls are bound together, it doesn't matter if you are not physically together. When you love each other, you do that because it is the only thing to do. The natural thing. Like breathing. It is something you live for. Without which, life would just be a meaningless existence.
I don't know how long i will wait for you. I don't know if i will love you forever. But I love you today, and that is what matters. And I will wait for you as long as i can, i will love you for as long as i can. And I will hope, that no matter where you are, no matter how far, you will hear these words whenever I utter them.

A month.

A month.

Seems like an eternity since i spoke to you. Since i heard your voice. Since I heard you say 'i love you'. But then again, there is a chance i might never hear you say it again.

But i won't believe that. Things might get worse from here, but I'm not gonna lose faith in you, faith in us. Maybe I'm wrong. But i have nothing to lose by believing.

A lot can change in a month. For the better or for the worse.

I'll keep my fingers crossed till then.

Teenager in Love

Its funny how much you want to write when you're really sad. Three posts in one day, when i haven't posted once since June.

I never appreciated how right Dion and the Belmonts were.

Each night i ask the stars up above, why must I be a teenager in love?

Well, never had to ask myself till now I guess.

You never appreciate the meaning of some songs till you go through the feelings that they talk about.

How can something that was so beautiful actually cause so much pain?

It is a real bad feeling. When something you thought would last forever comes to an abrupt end. And you're left in the dust, feeling empty.

Who would have ever thought that little quarrels could lead to something so big?

I cried a tear, for nobody but you.

Random Ramblings. Random thoughts that pop into my head as i stare at the chat box and wait for him to talk to me.

If you should say goodbye, I'll still go on loving you.

Each night I ask the stars above, why must I be a teenager in love?

Teardrops

I sleep. I sleep to escape from your clutches. From your memories. I sleep to escape from thoughts about you. But even when I sleep, I know that I have to awake soon. Soon enough, the twilight zone between sleep and waking arrives. And I think of you.

What first touches me is the pure, unadulterated joy. Then come the tears. And then, finally, the pain. The raw, pitiless pain. The pain that only a person who has lost a loved one could feel. I think of you even more. I think of the times that we spent in each others arms. Oh, it feels so real. I can feel you, here with me. In my arms. I rest my head on your chest, take in your scent. You hold me tight, so tight that it feels like no one can ever separate us from each other. We don't talk. We just sit under the stars and make plans for the future. Our future. You promise me that we'll take all the steps together. You promise me that no matter how hard things get, we will always make it through, knowing that we will always have each other. When I heard these words for the first time, i felt a warmth that had nothing to do with the balmy night. When I think of these words now, all I feel is despair. Despair, at the loss of the one I loved. Despair at the loss of a future that I so desperately yearn for. I despair, knowing that you'll never let me be in your arms again.

The memories don't stop. I think of you some more, even more. I think of the time when we kissed in the rain. I think of the time when you swept me off my feet and swore to be my knight on his white steed. I think of the time when we cuddled up in my couch to watch a movie. I think of the times when I was with you, when I was happy.

Everybody says, there will come a time when the sun will shine in the sky again. When I won't cry every time I think of you. When I won't need you the way I do right now. But that time just seems so far away.

Oh, how I wish I could undo everything that has happened! How I wish that you would give us another chance. But I know I can't, i know that you won't. I want to shout it off the rooftops that I would do anything to get you back. But I can't. And I won't. I'll just let you go, not because it is the right thing to do, or not because that's what I want to do. I'll let you go, because that is what you want. But at least, from this moment on, I know what every wishing star, every fountain and every wish is going to be about.

The Faerie Princess

Once upon a time in a land far far away, lived a Faerie Princess. She draped the beams of sunshine around her as a robe and walked on a road made from moonlight. She carried in her heart love that knew no bounds and happiness that made everyone around her feel happy. She was the most beautiful faerie in the land, both inside and out. She was the favourite of not only the other magical creatures of the land, but also her fellow faeries. Even when everything was lost and the world seemed dark, her smile would give everyone hope and her words would make them feel like there was hope in the world. She was their pride, their joy, their friend, their fellow-in-arms, their guide, their hope and their love.
But one day, she broke a feather. She was fluttering high up in the heavens, sprinkling joy over the world like glitter when a storm hit. She fought as hard as she could, but finally succumbed to the pressure of the strong blowing wind. Her feather broke and the tears came streaming down her face. She weeped as she fell through the clouds and the clouds weeped with her, for her. She weeped for what had been and what could have. She weeped for what would be. The tears just kept flowing...
But suddenly, she wasn't falling anymore. She opened her eyes and realized that she was being borne by the other faeries. They smiled at her, reassuringly, though they knew that it was barely a fraction of the reassurance her presence always guaranteed them. They slowly descended through the clouds and brought her back to the earth. The Princess opened her eyes. All the creatures that she had ever touched in her life, all the creatures who loved her and cherished her were awaiting her return. And when they saw that their Beloved Faerie Princess was safe, a smile lit up each of their faces.
And it was then she realized that those smiles were proof that she had a reason to live. She was their sunshine. Their Faerie Princess.

Fire and the Wind

I square my shoulders and take a deep breath. I knew this was going to happen someday. I was expecting this, I believed that I was actually ready for this. Then why am I unable to stop the tears? Why does this feel like a blow? Why does it hurt so much?
I leave my room. My sanctuary- a sanctuary that is mocking me now. The walls seemed to be provoking me, laughing at me and my naivete. I go out to the balcony. The chill wind slapped my face cruelly. But that was fine, absolutely. That way, I could just pretend that the tears staining my cheek were due to the cold, cold wind. But why do I cry? Wasn't I prepared for the hurt? Or did I think, even for a moment that things could have turned out any different? If I did, then I was a fool. And I deserve the hurt. The cold wind ceases to blow, and I am left with nothing but my lonely self for company. And the lonesome dog howling into the night.
I wake up in the morning and put on my mask. I talk to people, laugh at their jokes. They think I'm happy and that the sun is shining bright. Someone comes up to me and tells me a joke. I throw my head back and laugh. No one notices the lone tear that slides down my cheek.

Raindrops

A drop of rain. That's all it took.
Okay. A few drops.
Fine! A downpour!
But in the end, its the rain. That's all it took.
A week full of tension, work and some more work. A week full of disappointments, insecurities and mockery. Questions were left unanswered and so were emotions. Smiles played on lips even though the heart was far from the world. Passing faces in the crowd- some known, some unknown. All in shades of gray. Bleak and uninviting. The bright sun shone in the sky. Warm and cozy. To me, it felt like cold, uninviting fingers gripping my soul and draining the life out of it. The day was clear. I hated it. The skies were blue, the sun shone bright. I wished it would just go away.
And then it did.
First a few drops of rain. Then the heavens opened up and poured out their heart and their love. I turned my face towards the sky. The raindrops cleansed me.
Rain. That's all it took.