I killed my pet raccoon

Welcome, everybody, to the land of the Insipid. We wake up in the mornings, we go to bed in the night and what happens in the due course of the day is nothing but a whole lot of nonsense. We drink coffee, pretend to do something with our lives. We drink coffee, we complain about the petrol prices or the government's latest law or the crabby taxi driver. We drink coffee and pretend to do something with our lives, when in reality that is all that we do. Drink coffee.

But yet, most people would agree with me when I say this, there is something incredibly satisfying in drinking coffee. Everybody drinks coffee. If they don't, then secretly, down deep inside, they want to. But not everybody gets to drink coffee.

This brings us to the biggest question that all the people in the land of the Insipid face. What do those who don't drink coffee do? The answer is quite simple. They kill their pet raccoon. Why? Because they just have to do something don't they? They kill their pet raccoons. And nothing, not even coffee can stop them from killing them.

Yet again, most people would still agree with me even when I say this, there is something incredibly alluring about raccoons as well.

Coffee and pet raccoons.

The formula for the perfect life in the perfect land of the Insipid.

I rest my case.